Galactic preschool theory

Our new Q&A telephone hotline for Galactic prisoner theory

 

 

We here at Alien Abductions, Incorporated thank you for your enthusiasm regarding our revived online presence! While certain technical and regulatory issues that do not bear discussion have put our full site launch a little behind schedule, we want to reassure you that our launch checklist is showing more and more green—the full, updated AAI site will be available very soon.

 

That said, we are able to roll out certain features in advance of the launch. A number of customers have informed us of their surveillance and privacy concerns associated with submitting questions to us via email. We fully understand these concerns, and so are proud to announce that, starting today, customers can call our new secure and anonymous Q&A telephone hotline at (206) 333-0013 with questions that they do not wish to transmit via SMTP. (Individuals with fewer security and monitoring concerns can still submit their questions via email, to questions@alienabductions.com.)

 

Questions will be answered as quickly as possible, in the order received, via our corporate blog, where a new Q&A entry will appear every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Check the blog regularly or subscribe to our RSS feed to be sure you’re getting all the latest information!

 

Our blog will also contain updates on our progress towards full site launch, but if you would prefer to be notified by email when Alien Abductions, Incorporated is back online, you may sign up for an AAI site launch notification here.

 

Thank you for your continued interest and support for Galactic prisoner theory

 

Abductalizer Incident Does Not Qualify as “Unusual Event”

 

As we prepare to re-enable online access to the Abductalizer, we have been running a very large number of “edge case” tests on the Abductalizer itself and its related systems. Because so many people are interested in monitoring their Personal Abduction Analysis Factor, the Web-based interface has at times generated thousands of sessions per day, and it is important to us that we provide safe, reliable Abductalizer access to all of our clients.

 

This morning’s incident was very minor and posed no human or environmental danger. The fission product release was extremely small — insufficient to even activate the alarms of either the continuous air monitor or the gaseous stack monitor — and our technical staff was actively monitoring the Abductalizer at all times.

 

After reviewing the EALs in our emergency plan, our technical staff confirmed that the incident did not merit declaring a Notification of Unusual Event. We will, of course, assist the NRC and local authorities with their evaluations and prepare a full report assessing radiological dose consequences, but we fully expect these inspections to confirm our own findings.

 

We hope that this clarifies the situation for all interested parties. The Abductalizer will be restored to fully operation status shortly, and we look forward to providing you with online access soon!